WASHINGTON — In another snub to filmmaker Martin Scorsese, the United States House of Representatives voted today to ban social media platform TikTok.
“First ‘Killers of the Flower Moon’ walked away with zero Academy Award wins, and now TikTok is banned. Why does everyone in power hate Marty?” asked political analyst Frederick Carney. “Whether he’s making a 3+ hour film about the inherent white supremacy in American capitalism or ranking his favorite dances with his daughter, the message is clear: those who are challenged by Scorsese’s work are scared.”
According to those familiar with the situation, Scorsese has taken the ban in stride.
“Has TikTok influenced my work at all? I don’t know! I’m just working on my next film, ‘Peel Me An Orange,’ which I’m filming vertically and splitting up into 183 minute-long parts,” Scorsese explained. “I don’t care what platform I have to use to spread my work. Whether it’s TikTok, Apple, or going door-to-door to hand out DVDs, all that matters to me is that someone will give me $200 million dollars and never ask what I’m going to do with it.”
Despite various setbacks, film analysts predict that Scorsese is still the frontrunner to be slimed as “Funniest Grandpa” at the 2024 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards.
