About

Dibs Next is the number one entertainment source in the world. It has access to all the top actors, producers, singers, key grips, and directors. Every morning, each and every person on the planet prints off a stack of Dibs Next posts and reads them aloud to their four dogs. But I don’t have to tell you that— this About page is probably stuck to your fridge! Hello, eggs!

Phil Jamesson and Jeremy Kaplowitz created Dibs Next in 1680, but there weren’t movies yet, so they entered cryostasis until their awakening in 2024. After venturing to retrieve their incorporation documents from the burnt rubble of their former dojo in Salem, Massachusetts, they launched the site.

Since satire is now protected by the First Amendment of the United States, they’re a lot safer, and only fear fire as much as any man who has spent so long frozen.

Who are Phil Jamesson and Jeremy Kaplowitz?

Phil and Jeremy are two NYC comedians who have collaborated on many projects including The Hamlet Factory for Adult Swim, Ace Watkins: The Gamer President for Hard Drive, and Their Friendship for Themselves.

Jeremy is one of the co-founders of video game satire website Hard Drive and was its Editor-in-Chief from its inception in 2017 until August 2023. Phil is proficient in Microsoft Office. He has credits at Dropout, Nerial, and Devolver Digital, and has created hundreds of pieces of sketch comedy.

Is anything on this website real?! What are these discussion threads?

OK, dropping the third person here to be real with you for a second. Hunker down. It’s Truth Talk Time.

So you know how after an episode of television, you desperately want to see what other people are thinking, so you go to the show’s dedicated subCOMMUNITY (EDITED FOR TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT) and read the episode’s discussion thread? But then you get there and it’s just the absolute worst posts. It’s filled with empty puns, insane theorizing, and people just not getting the straight up text of the show. 

Well we’re really sick of doing that.

That’s why we got some really great writers and comedians together to create our own version of those COMMUNITY discussion threads to live on our website to be filled with actually GOOD comments and conversation. It’s called Dibs Texts because it’s like a text chat from Dibs Next.

We’re starting with True Detective: Night Country, which airs every Sunday night on HBO at 9 p.m. and we are going to have each discussion thread out as soon as possible once the episode ends. If you’d like to watch along, this season is completely new and does not require you having seen any other episodes.

If you like it, follow along each week, tell a friend, and drop a comment. Because if these are popular, we’d love to do this with more shows, more guests, and maybe even go through old popular shows from over the years that deserve a better discussion thread.

Okay, I blacked out during that response. My understanding is the whole site is real?

No. What? Listen. We are a satirical outlet. We make up names in most cases, unless a public figure is being satirized. If a non-public figure’s name comes up in an article, it is accidental and coincidental.