Jeremy Kaplowitz
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Robert De Niro to Play Donald Trump’s Assassin in Upcoming Documentary
LOS ANGELES — Actor Robert De Niro, known for his frequent vitriolic statements about President Donald…
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Jigsaw’s Girlfriend Digs for Engagement Ring Embedded in Chest of Chained-Up Friend
JERSEY CITY, N.J. — Veronica Swanson, dental hygienist and girlfriend of the notorious serial killer known…
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Westeros in Shambles Following Conquest of Raegon Targaryen
KING’S LANDING — The economy of Westeros has begun to falter following the ascendancy of King…
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Dr Disrespect Accidentally Sends Public Statement Directly to 15-Year-Old Fan
LOS ANGELES — Streamer Herschel Beahm IV, better known as Dr Disrespect, reportedly sent a 4,000…
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David Zaslav Chains George Miller to Front of Mercedes Following Dismal “Furiosa” Box Office Results
THE WASTELAND — Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav has reportedly chained director George Miller to…
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New Law Requires British Filmmakers to Pass Test Before Making Movie About American Politics
WASHINGTON — The United States Congress passed a law today forbidding British filmmakers from making movies…
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Denis Villeneuve: “I Haven’t Read ‘Dune Messiah’ Yet But I’m So Hyped to See All the Crazy Action”
We sat down with “Dune: Part 2” director Denis Villeneuve to get the scoop on how…
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Gremlin Seen on the Wing of Boeing Plane Found Dead Prior to Testifying
WASHINGTON — A gremlin who was seen on the wing of a Boeing plane was found…
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Congress Votes to Ban TikTok in Another Snub for Martin Scorsese
WASHINGTON — In another snub to filmmaker Martin Scorsese, the United States House of Representatives voted…
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“Poor Things” Wins Make-Up Award for Team Behind Shrinking Willem Dafoe’s Penis to Normal Size
HOLLYWOOD — The team who worked on making Willem Dafoe’s gargantuan penis look normal in the…