Jeremy Kaplowitz
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Day 5: Willem Dafoe Is Still Trapped Under Piles of DVDs After Criterion Closet Cave In
LOS ANGELES — After five continuous days of searching, actor Willem Dafoe has still not been…
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Toho Studios Announces Godzilla Minus One/Minus Color/Minus Godzilla/Plus Morbius/Plus Color
TOKYO — Toho Studios announced today that a new version of “Godzilla Minus One” will be…
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Opinion: LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!! LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOOOOOOoOOOOOO have you seen this shit, bro???? HARMONY KORINE. LMAO HE’s FUCKING BACK> Aggro Dr1ft it…
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The Oscars Have Fixed Their Mistake: Ryan Gosling Is Now Nominated for “Best Actress”
Well, the fans have spoken, and the Oscars have heard! The Academy has officially apologized for…
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Netflix Announces Live Action “Neon Genesis Evangelion” Adaptation, Bringing About Third Impact
NEW LOS ANGELES-3 CITY — The souls of all humans on Earth were absorbed by Lilith’s…
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“How to Blow Up a Pipeline” Creators Suddenly Feeling Inspired After Oscars Snub
LOS ANGELES — The creative team behind the 2023 film “How to Blow Up a Pipeline”…
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Paul Schrader Gets Himself Arrested So He Can Live Out “Pickpocket” Ending for Real
NEW YORK — Director and writer Paul Schrader was arrested today after mugging several people in…
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Netflix Announces Stand-Up Special From Lydia Tár
LOS ANGELES — Netflix announced today that disgraced conductor Lydia Tár will be recording her first…
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Star Wars Producer Scrolls Through Kurosawa’s IMDb for Next Idea
LOS ANGELES — Disney producer Grover Best reportedly scrolled through Akira Kurosawa’s IMDb page today, looking…
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Leonardo DiCaprio Devastated After Girlfriend Rents Car Without Extra Fee
LOS ANGELES — Actor Leonardo DiCaprio was reportedly distraught after discovering that his girlfriend Vittoria Ceretti…