WASHINGTON — A gremlin who was seen on the wing of a Boeing plane was found dead from a supposed suicide just before it was meant to testify against the company for alleged breach of safety laws.
“I shouldn’t have been on that wing. And no one except one passenger was willing to even say a word,” the Gremlin said of the incident, before being shot in the head earlier today. “I mean we’re talking 20,000 feet in the air. It was a nightmare and I’m fully prepared to testify against Boeing to say as much.”
Despite the incident, Boeing has maintained that it has done nothing illegal.
“This gremlin is a known liar and was never actually on the wing of a plane while it was flying. We are deeply saddened to hear about its death, and in fact welcomed its upcoming testimony before the court,” explained a spokesperson for the company. “But we have been consistent on this issue: no one saw the gremlin on the plane except for one man — Robert Wilson — who is well known to be insane. Not even his own wife believed him. We are similarly deeply saddened to hear that he also shot himself in his car earlier today before his testimony.”
“We also think, officially as a company, that it’s weird it’s called a gremlin,” the spokesperson added. “It’s more of like… a fuzzy guy?”
Boeing is reportedly going forward with business as usual in the wake of these losses. According to close sources, the company is currently working to improve its in-flight menus, working from a new cookbook called “To Serve Man.”
