NEW YORK — Local Letterboxd user Sean Hicks reportedly missed the final 85 minutes of the 119-minute Orson Welle’s masterpiece Citizen Kane trying to think of a better review for the film than “more like citizen’s gettin brain,” according to close sources.
“Yeah, yeah, he’s got a newspaper stand or something, whatever. ‘This happened to my buddy Citizen Kane.’ Is that anything?” Hicks said, hunched over a yellow legal pad, scribbling down different potential reviews for his Letterboxd account. “Maybe there’s something with Rosebud I could do. ‘Hangin out with my rosebuddies’ or something like that. Rosebud… What could it mean? And how could it get me more than five likes on my review?”
“Citizen Bane?” he blurted out after three minutes of silence.
Those in attendance were reportedly frustrated with Hicks’ behavior during the film.
“I know it shouldn’t have any affect on my enjoyment of the movie, but it drives me fucking insane that he isn’t paying attention. And his reviews get more likes than mine,” explained Hicks’ roommate Carla Fernandez. “I wrote a thoughtful, 300-word review of Citizen Kane that actually really dove into the film’s visual style, themes, and how it related to my childhood, specifically as someone who was in foster care. And that got fucking two likes. Meanwhile, Sean wrote some shit about ‘citizen getting brain’ — which, by the way, literally doesn’t make any sense or even relate to something that happened in the movie — and he got seven. Seven!”
“Letterboxd used to mean something. Back when I joined the site all the way back in 2022, it used to actually be a platform for sharing earnest reviews of movies. Hell, I was essentially a film-critic myself, for my beloved followers,” Fernandez said. “But now I guess it’s just a spin-off of Film Twitter. And maybe some people can just close their eyes and focus on their own paper, but it all just makes me sick.”
At press time, the controversy reached new heights when Hicks’ favorite director, Martin Scorsese, used his Letterboxd account to comment on the Citizen Kane review and declare it “a work of true art.”
COMMENTS.
2 responses to “Letterboxd User Misses Last 85 Minutes of Movie Thinking of Perfect One-Liner”
ok it’s “me”! LOL
This is actually the reason why I deleted my Letterboxd account in real life. It’s crazy how much more you enjoy movies when you aren’t spending the whole running time trying to think up a pithy one-liner.