Netflix Announces Live Action “Neon Genesis Evangelion” Adaptation, Bringing About Third Impact

NEW LOS ANGELES-3 CITY — The souls of all humans on Earth were absorbed by Lilith’s egg today after Netflix announced a live action adaptation of hit ’90s anime series “Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

“Animation is cool, but it’s not as real as when there’s people you can see. That’s why we’re so excited to expand our slate this year with a more legitimate, live action, version of Evangelion!” said Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos just before being embraced by a ghostly young girl and exploding into orange goop.

The announcement included casting decisions such as Timothée Chalamet as Shinji, Reneé Rapp as Asuka, and Michael Shannon as Gendo.

“I’m really excited to play Shinji. I don’t quite know why, but I feel like my experience being in ‘Call Me By Your Name’ is going to really help here for some reason,” Chalamet explained, as NERV agents swarmed the Netflix headquarters. “It’s going to be a great TV show, though. I’ve seen some of the amazing animation that was in the original Evangelion and I think we can definitely recreate a handful of those scenes to the best of our ability on a big blue screen in Atlanta.”

At press time, all humans and all their thoughts and emotions became one, allowing the entire species to fully understand each other for the first time in history. With that realization, the entirety of humanity collectively agreed that actually a live action adaptation of “Neon Genesis Evangelion” isn’t really worth it, rejecting the notion and causing the Black Moon to explode and release everyone’s souls back onto Earth.

Ted Sarandos was last seen wandering around a red and purple wasteland, wondering aloud if there were any others who had rejected the Human Instrumentality Project and wanted to make two seasons of a TV show and that’s it.