LOS ANGELES — Marvel Studios announced today that its upcoming film “The Fantastic Four” will be set in the 60s, specifically in the low 60% range of Rotten Tomatoes’ tomatometer.
“We’ve heard what the fans have been asking for and decided it’s time to give them exactly what they want: a Fantastic Four movie that’s just fine,” said Kevin Feige at a press conference today. “Not great, not bad; we’re not exactly sure why everyone insisted this one has to be in the 60s, but we’re happy to deliver!”
Allen Bender, a producer at Marvel, explained how the company managed to perfectly craft the slightly-above-average film coming out in 2025.
“At Marvel, step number one is always casting. Sorry, actually step number two is casting. The first thing we do immediately after deciding on a new film is lock some underpaid VFX artists in a room to pre-vis the entire third act of the movie. Then, we work on casting,” Bender explained.
“In order to get that perfect mid-60s review average on the big RT, we knew we had to go with someone like Pedro Pascal for our lead,” said Bender. “We loved working with Pedro so much. He’s a great actor, and more importantly, he’s very busy. The guy is in so many big projects right now, he didn’t even have time to shave his post-apocalyptic scruff from ‘The Last of Us’ before filming ‘The Fantastic Four.’ That’s the kind of commitment to riding your natural charisma through exhaustion we knew we needed to secure a perfectly middle-of-the-road rating.”
Despite the insistence on the future Rotten Tomatoes rating, Feige insisted that it’s not an exact science.
“We haven’t completed filming yet, of course, so it’s going to take some tweaking as we go and I promise I’ll be on set every single day overseeing whoever we end up having direct this thing,” Feige insisted. “Luckily, it’s easy to correct the course. If we start getting too good of a performance out of anyone, we can pull in some plot details from one of the Disney+ streaming shows to ensure the rating drops a few points.”
At press time, Feige also confirmed one last thing about the upcoming film: it will be inexplicably set in 1994.
