The Oscars are coming up on March 10th, and while showing your support for your favorite movie is important, unfortunately there is something far more important on the horizon: the presidential election this November. Despite not currently being nominated, we must insist that Oscar voters make the correct decision this year and elect Joe Biden as 2024’s “Best Picture.”
Now you may be thinking, “Joe Biden isn’t a movie, so how could he be the Best Picture?” First of all, neither is Oppenheimer (haven’t seen it), and he was nominated, right? So there’s already precedent that a human being could be nominated for this. Second of all, although he may not fit the category one-to-one, this would be a massive symbolic win for the president, which is actually the most important type of win.
Donald Trump represents the most extreme opposition to our freedoms as Americans and he will stop at nothing to win this November. So we need everything we can absolutely get to make sure that Joe Biden, whether you like him or not, defeats him. And because so many people seemingly hate him for no reason — no reason at all, he’s literally perfect — WE need to do everything in our power to improve his image. That means winning Best Picture at the Oscars.
But it doesn’t stop there. We need Joe Biden to win everything, whether he’s competing or not. Joe Biden needs to win Girl Scouts cookie sale competitions. He needs to win the Great British Baking Show. He needs to win dancing competitions. He needs to win the lottery (and we have to give him that money). If we can get him to the top of all these competitions, maybe, just maybe, he’ll have a shot at winning against Trump in November.
Or vote for “The Holdovers” and live in hell because of your mistake. See if I care. Doesn’t actually affect me anyway, because I’m rich.
