HOLLYWOOD — After Season 104’s finale, “Super Bowl LVIII,” the consortium owning the rights to the NFL has pulled the plug on Football.
“I’m proud of the stories we were able to tell,” commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement to the press. “I’m grateful to the players, the coaches, and the cinematographers for all their hard work over our century-long run. And use hashtag #RescueTheNFL if you want to see someone like Adult Swim try to pick us back up.”
The NFL has given many stars their first big breaks over the years, including Good Morning America host Michael Strahan, former SNL host Travis Kelce, and Hertz Spokesperson Thomas Brady.
“Many are concerned that their fantasy sports betting will go away as a result of this decision,” said Goodell. “Not to worry, those profit centers are intact. We will run simulations of games every hour, on the hour. Use code HUSKOFITSFORMERSELF for fifty risk-free dollars.”
Members of the ownership consortium explained the decision in inspiring terms.
“This is serving a purpose greater than ourselves,” said John Smith, its President and CEO. “Tax advantages.”
Casting directors who specialize in insurance commercials did not immediately respond to a request for comment, as they were surrounded by one thousand linebackers.
