EARTH — Monday’s total solar eclipse was canceled today due to Piccolo blowing up the moon.
“Gohan was turning into a Great Ape, and would have caused untold destruction,” said Piccolo. “I had no choice. Well, it was between blowing up the moon and cutting Gohan’s tail off. Now that I think of it, maybe I should have cut Gohan’s tail off.”
The entire process took less than ten seconds and will undoubtedly have massive repercussions on marine life, as well as disappointing tourists traveling with the expectation of seeing the eclipse.
“I’m very upset,” said Linda McWilliams. “I expect the City of Rochester will give us a full refund.”
The eclipse was expected to be the last total solar eclipse visible in the continental United States until 2044, but now, since the moon blew the fuck up, that one’s expected to be canceled too.
“Yes, it’s our current working theory that all total solar eclipses for the foreseeable future are canceled,’” said astronomer Lucas Widener. “Solar eclipses occur when the moon passes in front of the sun. It allows us to see the sun’s corona — that is, its atmosphere — clearly, with proper eye protection. Of course, the moon is gone now, because Piccolo straight up blasted it to smithereens.”
The Z Fighters are currently gathering the Dragon Balls, presumably to wish for the moon’s return and certainly not for some selfish reason.
