WELFORD PARK, U.K. — Upon awarding the famous glass cake stand trophy to the winner of this year’s Great British Bake Off, Dame Prue Leith drew her blade with a grim resolve and fluidly executed its runners-up.
“Our winner this year was really excellent with their flavors,” Leith said, wiping the blood from her zweihänder. “It’s always a difficult thing to select a winner in the finals, because you’ve grown so close with the rest of the contestants, but you do have to choose one. And you have to kill the other two.”
The first season of The Great British Bake Off began in 2010, and it has continued for 15 “series,” or seasons. At two runners-up per season, this year marks the show’s 30th victim. What a run it’s been!
“I am looking forward to another year, of course,” Leith said as her squire loosened her pauldrons. “You grow to love each group of contestants, and your family grows. And then, at the end, it shrinks a little, too. This is what it means to have British honour. I also get to enjoy some truly delicious cakes.”
Paul Hollywood, the only cast member who has been around since the beginning of the show, stared through us as we asked about who carried out the “Lord’s Duty,” as it is called, in early seasons.
“Overworked,” he muttered, shaking his head with unfocused eyes. “Early on… I was overworked.”
The lottery for next year’s series has already begun, of which no citizen of Great Britain is immune. May God have mercy on the contestants’ souls.
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