Lifestyle
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“Doing Prequels Is Pointless — You Already Know What’s Going To Happen,” Says Man Who Will One Day Die
NEW YORK — Nathaniel Barron, who is currently in lockstep with every other person on Earth…
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Eclipse Canceled After Piccolo Fucking Explodes the Moon
EARTH — Monday’s total solar eclipse was canceled today due to Piccolo blowing up the moon.…
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Man Fooled by Obvious Satirical Article “Honestly Wouldn’t Be Surprised” if The Minions Won Gubernatorial Primary
MINNESOTA — After being teased for posting “This country has gone to seed,” with a link…
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Letterboxd Outage Forces Users to Decide for Themselves If Movie Good
UNITED STATES — Due to a three-hour outage today, cinephiles who typically use Letterboxd to determine…
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Oscars Try to Score Younger Viewers by Replacing Red Carpet
LOS ANGELES — The Oscars are making an attempt tonight to appeal to new, younger viewers…
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Nation’s Dads Eagerly Await Oscars “Long Runtime” Jokes
UNITED STATES — Fathers across the United States gathered around their television in excitement and anticipation,…
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Rotten Tomatoes EXPLAINED: The Score Is NOT the Percentage of Movie You Should Watch
Everyone who visits the website “Rotten Tomatoes” is surprised to see it’s somehow related to film,…
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Following Film Industry Standard, NYU Tisch Opts Not to Release Class of ’24
NEW YORK — In the wake of several movie studios axing projects at any stage of…
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Critic’s Perfect Movie Would Feature No Politics
HOUSTON – Local critic Sam “Sammy” Bates is highly skeptical of movies that he feels are…
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Letterboxd User Misses Last 85 Minutes of Movie Thinking of Perfect One-Liner
NEW YORK — Local Letterboxd user Sean Hicks reportedly missed the final 85 minutes of the…