HOLLYWOOD — Years of deception were uncovered by journalist Julianne Hough during The Oscars® Red Carpet Show today, as Cillian Murphy revealed his name is actually Doug Smith.
“I’m ashamed to admit it,” said Smith/Murphy. “I chose a name and personality that would guarantee my success in the industry. Damn you and your hounded pursuit of the truth, Hough!”
Upon admitting the information, his tuxedo fell off, revealing greasy robes. He moaned in embarrassment, and also his voice became all weird. But Hough pressed him with question after question, and he continued to reveal more.
“Just because I didn’t do any of the acting doesn’t mean I’m not a movie star,” he said, as his eyes widened and he covered his mouth at this new revelation. “Wait, no! No!!!”
Falling to his knees, three minions entered in rags even greasier than his, and carried him away before further questions could be asked.
“This is just another entry in the great journalistic mission that is The Oscars® Red Carpet Show,” Hough said, turning back to the camera. “Back to you, Vanessa. But I will never have my back to the truth.”
Following this dramatic turn, the audience for the program spiked from three to five viewers.
