THE DINNER TABLE — Aunt Margaret, 62, has once again disrupted Thanksgiving by offering her opinion on Netflix’s Arcane, suggesting it is not faithful enough to the Zaun she knows and loves from League of Legends.
“I’ve spent thousands of hours over the past fifteen years playing Dr. Mundo,” Margaret said as her husband excused himself to the bathroom. “And I’m sorry, but he’s silly. He’s a silly guy. And instead of that light, comic-book aesthetic, we’re supposed to sit back and swallow a more nuanced contingent of disparate revolutionaries?”
Not able to help herself, Aunt Margaret continued as other members of the family bit their tongues. Cousin Bradley tried complimenting the turkey, but to no avail.
“And another thing. That ruins Piltover’s champs as well,” Aunt Margaret continued. “Obviously, we all hated Caitlyn because she’s so annoying in laning, and she’s a cop. But Ezreal’s not going to have that scamp-protagonist energy when he’s enforcing a persecutory, apartheid-like society.”
This was too much for Lauren, who is in the last year of grad school in the big city.
“It’s a new interpretation,” Lauren yelled. “Sor-ry it doesn’t hold fast to the conventions of a multiplayer online battle arena. You want Dr. Mundo?! You want to hear him say ‘me think you nasty’ in a show that cost a hundred million dollars to make? You need to grow up.”
At press time, Margaret and Lauren were making peace with one another by discussing their opposing views on private prisons.
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