UNITED STATES — Fathers across the United States gathered around their television in excitement and anticipation, waiting to hear a joke about how long the Oscars show is.
“I’m not into the whole Hollywood thing,” said Brett Gumblin, who is your dad. “Yeah, they get to hand each other a bunch of participation trophies [Editor’s note: this does not exist]. But, good God, I hope they keep this thing movin’. Or at least throw us a bone once in a while about it!”
For some dads, this joke is the highlight of the entire night.
“You always know Best Picture is coming last,” said Danny Freeman, who is also your dad. “But you never know when they’re going to pull out the runtime joke. It could be right at the top of the show, or in the middle. Sometimes you even get two. And my gosh, does it hit the nail on the head!”
But many dads don’t know they’re a part of a movement across America.
“That’s right,” grumbled Bob Randall last year, as Jimmy Kimmel said “Everything, everywhere, all over the course of five and a half hours.” He, too, is your dad.
At press time, Kimmel was seen mouthing the words “even Oppenheimer is saying ‘give it a rest!’” over and over, keen on nailing the night’s most important moment.
Photo courtesy of A.M.P.A.S®.
