Train Crashes Through Repertory Screening of “L’arrivée d’un Train en Gare de la Ciotat”

NEW YORK — In a tragic turn of events at The Angelika Film Center & Cafe, a B train burst through the walls during a screening of L’arrivée d’un Train en Gare de la Ciotat, which is almost French for what happened.

“Nobody ran. Everyone thought it was movies,” the projectionist, Laura Rillsley said. “There were gasps, but they were gasps of delight, you know? Like when they spill their popcorn all over themselves in the ads.”

“Everyone knows the story of how when people first saw that movie, they thought the train was going to hit them. This time, obviously, no one thought that. And that’s when the train hit them,” she explained. “People complain all the time about being able to hear the subway train underneath the theater during movies, but this is the first time the complaints were about the train being in the theater.

The train itself had no passengers on it, as it was out of service, but amazingly, there were no fatalities in the theater, either.

“The impact with the theater walls slowed the train to a more manageable speed, but what really saved lives was the complete lack of fear. Since their bodies were completely relaxed, they basically just bounced around like chicken nuggets,” said paramedic Ethan Gobbles. “One guy regained consciousness right as we arrived, and he just said ‘IMAX is crazy!’”

As of press time, everyone involved in the incident basically admitted it was kind of their fault for going to an actual movie theater to watch a screening of a 50-second video.